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Did you know that moving and relocation ranks third on the list of life's most stressful events? With only divorce and death rated as more stressful, it's no wonder that so many people dread moving. If you have moved recently or are planning a move, you don't need us to tell you this-you know firsthand how hard moving can be! But, did you know that moving can be incredibly stressful for your children as well? It's true. With their whole world changing, children often feel powerless and out of control during a move.
Thankfully, there are a number of things you can do with your children to help make moving a less stressful and more enjoyable experience. We've assembled The Kids Guide to Moving, a list of the top five ways to help your children have the best moving experience possible.
1. Communicate
Moving can be scary, especially when you don't have all the answers. Be sure to encourage your children to communicate everything they're thinking and feeling with you. When communicating, your kids should be encouraged to:
• Ask Questions. If they have any questions whatsoever (e.g., why are we moving? Where are we moving? Where is the school? Will I see my friends?) promote an "open door" policy where they can ask you anything and you will do your best to answer their questions honestly and straightforwardly.
• Say Goodbye to the House. It might seem a bit odd, but saying goodbye to the old house will allow your kids an opportunity to say "hi" to your new house. By providing a sense of closure, saying goodbye to the house will help your kids to come to terms with the transition in their own way.
• Stay in Touch with Friends. When you are young, friends and family are the heart of your world. A move can challenge these friendships in big ways. As a parent, do everything you can to keep your kids connected with their friends. If you are moving locally, arrange regular play dates or sleepovers to keep the friendships healthy. If you are moving out of town, encourage letter writing and, when possible, phone calls. Minimizing the damage to their friendships should be a top priority for you as a parent.
• Talk, Talk, Talk. We can overemphasize how important it is to talk to your kids about the move and allow them to talk to you and their friends about how they're feeling and experiencing the change. When your children can vent their emotions and feel heard and understood, the transition becomes that much less overwhelming; they feel safe and protected; and the move will be much less traumatic.
2. Take Your Time
In this fast-paced world, everyone is always on the go. This is often no more evident than during a move. Houses are packed up and then unpacked in lightning speed. But, even though boxes can be unpacked quickly, the more fragile items of a move-your children's emotions-take time to "unpack" correctly.
• Moving Takes Time. There are just no two ways about it: moving takes time. Sure, it may feel like the time between selling and buying and moving went by in the blink of an eye, but there are more subtle processes at work that need to be attended to. Allow your kids the time they need to process the move-before, during, and after. There is no rushing the emotional journey of moving. Let your kids know that you are there for them however they need you.
• Make Friends One at a Time. When you lose something, the tendency is to get it all back at once, right? This is no more apparent than after a move. The loss of friendships can be really difficult for your children. They might feel the pressure to rush into finding new friends and be discouraged when they realize that building friendships takes time and effort. Encourage your children to make new friends one a time. Balance new friendships with communication with friends from the old neighborhood. And, as a parent, be prepared to make yourself more available to your children to fill the space that former friends occupied.
3. Make It Yours
As a new homeowner, you recognize the pride of ownership. There is just something about owning a home that fills you with a sense of destiny, control, and accomplishment. There is no reason why your children should not be able to experience similar feelings. When you create an environment where your children feel a sense of control and ownership, they'll be less likely to feel out of control and overwhelmed.
• Pack Your Own Things. If your children are old enough, it's a great idea to allow them to pack their own things. With your help, work your way through their rooms and decide upon those things that will make the move and those that won't. Allow your children to do the actual packing, so they can see where their stuff is located. This real-time experience helps kids to process the transition in real-time, rather than one day having a full room and the next having an empty room.
• Keep Your Important Items with You. If your children have a favorite toy, book, stuffed animal, blanket, or so on, make sure to keep it unpacked. With the mania of boxes and movers and all the newness, it's always a good idea to keep something treasured and familiar nearby. When you are helping your kids pack their rooms, ask them to single out a few items they'll want to move themselves. This will go a long way toward empowering your children as well as help them to feel more in control of the moving experience.
• Explore Your New Home. To help them feel "at home," it's important to explore every nook and cranny of the new home with your children. When they have a better sense of what's behind every door, they'll more readily accept the new environment as their own. In addition, if you allow your kids to explore on their own, too, they'll be able to make connections-both physical and emotional-with the new space.
• Unpack Your Room Immediately. If you have children it really is important to make unpacking their rooms a number one priority. When you arrive at the new house, you should consider unpacking and setting up your kids' rooms first. With their familiar items around them, your kids will more quickly adapt and feel comfortable to the new surroundings.
4. Check Out the New School.
Moving typically means a new school for your kids. If you are lucky enough to not have to change schools, this section won't apply to you. However, if your kids will be starting in a new school, be prepared-the transition can be really difficult for some kids.
• Visit the School before the First Day of Classes. Make it a priority to visit the school before the first day of classes. Visit your children's new classrooms and, if possible, make an appointment to meet with their teacher(s). The better acquainted your kids are with the school, its grounds and classrooms, the better able they will be to feel comfortable and begin the process of making friends and learning when school actually starts.
• Ask for Assistance. A new school can be overwhelming. Every classroom can look the same. The bathroom can be hard to find. And, nothing is familiar. Rather than try to figure it all out on their own, encourage your kids to ask for help. If they have any questions at all at school, encourage them to ask fellow students or adults.
• Introduce Yourself. The best way to get off on the right foot at a new school is simply by introducing yourself. It can be a scary proposition-all those new kids, "will they like me?"-but, when encouraged to step forward and introduce themselves, your kids will quickly learn how friendly these "strangers" can be.
5. You Will Be Okay
No matter how scary a move may be; no matter how overwhelming and stressful, the truth remains: You and your kids will be okay. When you can all come together as a family and work as a team, you will survive the move with flying colors. It may not all be smooth sailing, but you will come out of the experience as a closer, more loving family. Be accepting of each other's needs and emotions. It will take time, but your new house will soon become a home and all of you together will be happy you moved.
When you follow these five simple guidelines, you'll find that your overall moving experience is much easier than you ever expected. And, when you allow us to help make your total real estate experience-from buying and selling to moving-the best it can be, your whole family benefits!
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